Why Lawyers Should Take Up Knitting

Posted by Jeff Lipshaw

In a Herculean effort somehow to make my daughter Arielle’s new blog on knitting, Mrs. Fairfax Knits, fall within the topic here, I offer the top ten reasons (some of these are Alan’s) why lawyers should take up knitting.  (That’s Arielle below at the yarn store.)

10.   In a deposition, nobody is going to mess with somebody holding two large needles.

9.    If you do it to your brows, you look wise.

8.    You can say that, in addition to DUIs, you do “jaywalkers.”

7.    On one hand, it keeps one hand busy, while on the other hand, it keeps the other hand busy too.

6.  Because crocheting is so Lochner v. New York.

5.  Even Jack McCoy would appear cuddly to some of the jurors with a soft ball of pink yarn lying demurely on the counsel table.

4.  “Pearl two?  Are you sure it was ‘pearl two?’  Couldn’t she have been saying ‘pearl too?’   And how do you know she meant ‘pearl’?  Did you actually hear the defendant say ‘pearl?'”

3.  You can produce a hideous sweater vest to go with your red plaid pants and Santa bow tie for the office Christmas lunch.

2.  You can turn your war stories into long yarns.  (Ow.  Quitting poking me with the needle.)

And the number one reason I do not understand at all, but Alan gave it to me, and he is a good friend:

1.   Because doing it will unnerve Arlen Specter and Pat Leahy during your Senate confirmation hearings for Supreme Court Justice but they will not be able to comment on it negatively for fear of certain constituency groups sending telegrams over the transom.